Carlos Castaneda in the Garden
(& Whom I've known literally nothing of in Waking Life)
Like all things I say, some won’t believe me when I say this: I have never before seen pictures of, read of, heard about in depth or studied a single aspect of Carlos Castaneda.
If you know my story about Gurdjieff and ‘The Fourth Way’, this may sound familiar.
Despite that many “spiritual people” become that way by studying and following gurus and teachers all throughout time and space, or by joining various movements and organizations, my own spiritual studying has consisted of the Bible, the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, and the Kebra Nagast. I don’t remember a whole lot of detail from any of these texts, though I remember the gist of all of them. In the end, it turns out every spiritual text from every tradition is encoding the same information…and you can find that same information literally anywhere, if you can see.
There was a small amount of astrology sprinkled in, when I interpreted my own natal chart after having received it as a gift, and I also read a bit of Rachel Pollack as I was learning to read tarot cards. All of this transpired before I was 20 years old and I have still not read or studied much of any tradition or spiritual person since then, not specifically or intentionally.
Even after Sai Baba came to speak with me through another human being back around 2017, I didn’t read or look too much into Sai Baba’s teachings or work … I just glanced through a few short videos and articles, enough to get a feeling for him that matched the feeling I had gotten when he had come into the body of the man speaking with me and a few others, at the time.
Instead of endless studying and reading or the diligent following of others who claim spirituality, I simply follow my own intuition and heart and end up with what my friend Foster Gamble was astonished to find within me: my own, clear, bright channel of Light in which timeless truths are revealed to me and I am guided throughout my life to be and do, speak and act, live and grow in specific ways — often those ways confuse, irritate, or anger others who think I should be doing things the way they want me to, instead.
I’ve long since quit caring who “believes” or understands me on this path and I especially love the synchronicities and validations around experiences such as reading Gurdjieff’s ‘The Fourth Way’ at Foster’s urging and finding a perfect description of the exact path I had taken and that I also teach to others.
I laugh continuously because people insist I must have heard of or studied a given person, such as Gurdjieff - I can’t help it, because at this point it is hilarious to me that people truly believe that any of these channels, myself included, are unique or that what comes through the channels is unique.
It is and it isn’t.
Nothing will come through me quite like it did through another, nothing that came through another will quite be replicated, and yet the messages will be of the same stuff, the same essence: truth is timeless and universal.
It seems simple and obvious to me. Others seem so perplexed by it that they are sure I’m a liar and a fake. I laugh and wish them well. It could never matter what they think or don’t think.
Someone asked me recently, as people ask me from time to time, “Well, what would you say to those who are skeptical?”
And my answer is always, “Nothing.”
My life’s mission is not to convince people of anything. My life’s mission is to hold my truth in brightest flourishing of light so that others who are seeking some light can be reminded that they are not alone, so that those who are needing a hand up from the dark night of the Soul can be reminded that they are supported along the way, and so that as many Souls as possible can find this channel opening within themselves, more and more, fuller and fuller, until we are all returned to the Truth of ourselves.
It doesn’t matter to me that there are endless hordes of people who do not see their own Souls. That is something they will come to in their own time and it is none of my business. It does make me feel infinitely sad, but I respect their free will and autonomy enough to let it go…
In the meantime, experiences like my last night’s Dream Walking are powerful for me because it is rare in my life to find someone holding a light for me in the way I hold it for others. It’s ok, that’s the nature of the Path — but therefore, when I find that light held out, I rejoice. It is a relief I cannot describe.
In the Dream Walking space, I was building a garden. People were mocking the way I was building it and even trying to destroy parts of it or slow down my building. They were also angry when I would not build it the way they said to and they would then attack me. I just kept going and did my best to ignore them. Eventually, someone said, “Isn’t that Carlos Castaneda?” And I thought to myself, ‘I’ve heard that guy is super cool, I should see if he wants to be on Rogue Ways’, which cracks me up — we are so very honest in dreams! I went to find him and he was standing right by the most difficult and unfinished part of my garden where the most resistance and attack had been aimed — and he looked so sad! I was about to ask him to be on my show and he cut me off, grabbed me up in the most compassionate and beautifully nourishing hug I’ve perhaps ever received outside of the ones God has given me, and then held my shoulders while looking in my eyes and saying:
“There will be few to none who understand you and your path. Trust your own heart always. Do not give in to the doubt. You may feel lonely, but you have a family here. We are with you.”
I would have cried tears if I was not then immediately ushered into an experience of healing some ancestral and past life wounds connected with this exact message…
I would have cried tears when I woke up, except that my Infinite Sorrow of my Warrior’s Heart rarely has tears for the loneliness, anymore. Instead I sunk into that camaraderie and support and let go of some more doubt.
Recently, someone I trusted to know me and understand my journey, even on a simple physical-health level, showed me disdain for my choices, outright condemnation of my healing, and even in showing me their ignorance of my modalities then showed me their arrogance of assuring me they knew which way I should go, instead. It is easy to doubt our path and our entire existence, when those we trust and respect show us this level of lack of understanding.
This is a simple example, but all of us can relate to those times when we knew in our deepest intuition and heart that we were going the right way and when, instead of supporting us, everyone seemed to turn away from us…
Let this be your reminder that your trust in yourself should supersede your trust in those who can never know you, your needs, or your truest heart the way you do. Let your Guides and Allies in Spirit be your companions for those portions of the Path — you have a family beyond physical reality and they know you the way you know yourself: fully and perfectly. They will always help you garden, along the way.
I woke up and looked up a picture of Carlos Castaneda who, despite hearing his name ten billion times and always in the tones of disbelief that I didn’t already know and love him, I had never seen.
He looks, in the pictures, exactly as he did in the Dream. His message continued much deeper than what is shared here, but that part is just for me. This part is for you, just in case that light reminds you to keep shining…
Thank you, Carlos, for your support and congratulations on the level of compassion you’ve achieved. I will keep building the garden, I promise.